Do you read parish bulletins?

I must admit that mostly I don’t. Don’t read parish bulletins that is. (I often wonder if some parish priests also do not read the bulletin. Especially the pre-written piece copied onto the front page. You know, the related-to-today’s-Gospel bit.)

My sons, however, do read parish bulletins.

And one pointed out to me some interesting sections in a parish bulletin recently. (No, not my parish’s bulletin.)

I thought I’d share.

“May it be too bold to suggest that a successor of St Peter is to preach the resurrection with Pentecostal power and effect, that he too must be propelled into the world by a Spirit-filled gathering of female and male disciples. Why can’t the conclave of electors in the Sistine Chapel include women?”

Oh my.

Simple answer? Because it can’t. The Church has spoken elsewhere on the priesthood and on the role of women. How many times does this need to be re-iterated?:

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (para. 1577) states:

“Only a baptized man (vir) validly receives sacred ordination.” The Lord Jesus chose men (viri) to form the college of the twelve apostles, and the apostles did the same when they chose collaborators to succeed them in their ministry. The college of bishops, with whom the priests are united in the priesthood, makes the college of the twelve an ever-present and ever-active reality until Christ’s return. The Church recognizes herself to be bound by this choice made by the Lord himself. For this reason the ordination of women is not possible.”

And seriously, does this preclude a Pope from preaching “the resurrection with Pentecostal power and effect?”There seems no relevance , no connection between these two thoughts. The Pope preaches with the fire of the Holy Spirit,in the light of the Gospel and Tradition; he preaches to all with love for the common good; the sex of the electors in the conclave is a moot point. Really.

This bulletin passage denies the equality and differences of the sexes. Equality because we are all called to preach the Gospel in our daily lives; different because we bring our differences to the forefront in doing so. I do  not have to emulate a male to share God’s love; indeed, the world becomes a poorer place when we value the strengths of one sex over another, when we denounce the self giving love of women. For in giving of self, we women must first have a self to give; we must nurture and educate ourselves in prayer and in our vocations rather than seek to emulate others.

The bulletin continues..

“There is no single sacred language. All languages, all vernaculars, are capable of hearing and expressing what God wants to inspire, to breathe into human hearts.”

Oh my again. Does this writer possess even a glimmer of logic? For again the obvious must be stated.

Of course all languages can hear and express the Good News. There is no discussion, not now, not ever, about the ability of one language over another to share the Gospel.

This, however, has nothing to do with the use of a sacred language in liturgy. Sacred means set apart. And a language that is set apart and used in sacred liturgy, as Latin may be, is a language that is not open to many different interpretations and confusion. It is a language of unity. Set apart. Sacred. While also allowing the Gospel to be shared and breathed into our hearts.

I thanked my son for pointing out this bulletin piece. And I know now why it is a good thing that many of us do not read the bulletin.

We are saved from logical fallacies  in the form of theological reflection.

Mums are like Spiderman.

We mums have a lot in common with Spiderman. We really do.

Spiderman has his spider senses, a tingling in his brain that warns him of dangers, a sense that he can also use to guide himself on his weblines.

And we, as mothers, often have this spider sense. We often know, deep in our hearts, what it is that is best for ourselves and our children.

Our spider sense is borne out of mothering, out of love, out of experience. Experience with this child and within our family.

So many times we question ourselves and our mothering spider sense. We listen to the experts and ignore that small, nagging voice, those inner qualms. Spiderman often does not listen to his spider sense when fatigued. Mothers often do not listen to our spider senses when we feel pulled in many directions and besieged by experts, by those who tell us they know best.

We need to acknowledge our own expertise in  mothering, as we acknowledge the expertise of others.

I can’t tell you the number of times a fellow mother has asked me for advice and then, during our discussion, I see a dawning light appear on her face. She knew already what should be done with her child. She knew in her heart he needs more love or she needs more time or he needs clear parameters or she needs a change of direction. We mothers just don’t heed our spider sense.

We mums are like Spiderman. We have our own mothering superpower, our mothering gut instinct, and this can be examined in the light of day with other mothers, with fathers, with children, in prayer. But only if we first recognise that it is there.

Sometimes, our spider sense is built on fear…fear that if he doesn’t do well in maths he won’t get to university or that she doesn’t write now at all so that means she will never write.So we listen to an expert, force a child into a mold, all out of fear.

What if we acknowledged the role of spider sense and examined it, fears and love, reason and truth? What if we worked through our “what ifs” and faced our fears? What if we took some time to pray and reflect on what is really going on and what that whisper in our heart tells us to do?

Many times, my spider sense tells me to give a son some time.

Many times, my spider sense lets me know it is time for a nudge.

Many times, I have ignored my mothering spider sense, my gut instinct, and I have been left with a less honest relationship, a less authentic path, and an unsettling feeling that something is not quite right.

It is trusting in that sapientia, that wisdom arising from prayer, love, reason and experience. If we can recognise this and exercise this wisdom, then we also teach our children to do the same. To reason, to love, and to listen to that still, small voice.

That spider sense.

Vocations

I am writing an essay for a university assignment. On the essential characteristics of effective teaching.

And I’m arguing that one of the personal characteristics of an effective teacher is having a calling or vocation to teach. An old-fashioned term to some, but a description of the commitment, time, love, care that good teachers bring to their work. It invades every area of their life; they watch a movie and immediately see how they can share it with their students for example; they have joy and enthusiasm in their work. They couldn’t stop teaching any more than toddlers can stop learning. It’s about love.

While pondering this idea of vocation, I thought of Good Shepherd Sunday, celebrated recently. A time to focus on vocation in life and particularly on vocations to the priesthood and to religious life.

We could have heard this idea of calling during a homily.

Or we could have heard something like this:

“Vocations to the priesthood and the consecrated life are born out of the experience of a personal encounter with Christ, out of sincere and confident dialogue with him, so as to enter into his will. It is necessary, therefore, to grow in the experience of faith, understood as a profound relationship with Jesus, as inner attentiveness to his voice which is heard deep within us. This process, which enables us to respond positively to God’s call, is possible in Christian communities where the faith is lived intensely, where generous witness is given of adherence to the Gospel, where there is a strong sense of mission which leads people to make the total gift of self for the Kingdom of God, nourished by recourse to the Sacraments, especially the Eucharist, and by a fervent life of prayer. This latter “must on the one hand be something very personal, an encounter between my intimate self and God, the living God. On the other hand it must be constantly guided and enlightened by the great prayers of the Church and of the saints, by liturgical prayer, in which the Lord teaches us again and again how to pray properly.” (Spe Salvi, 34).” Pope Benedict XVI on the announcement of the 50th World Day of Prayer for Vocations, 2013, full text here .

What we heard, however, went something like this:

” On Good Shepherd Sunday we look at who we are, and who we are in community with others.”

Which may have nothing wrong with it as a statement in, say, the book I am currently reading (Co-Dependent No More), but at mass, on the World Day of Prayer for Vocations, on Good Shepherd Sunday? Really?

There’s no mention of commitment. None at all.

When homilies mirror self help books, we know we have come a long way from the idea of vocations and callings, and especially from the idea of vocations to the priesthood. This depletes every other area of life in relation to understanding vocation , be it parenthood or nursing or teaching. If the priesthood is not a vocation , if there is no mention of commitment or of God, then it seems , too, that nothing is a vocation; it’s all just a job or season of life.

And society is that much weaker without this notion of vocation, love and commitment.

Families are weaker.

Schools are weaker.

Unschooling resources

Most weeks, we talk about unschooling.  Me, my kids, my friends.

We talk about what how and why unschooling works.

And what we need to make it work.

Or what we did to make it work.

I think we are education nerds.

What is it that makes unschooling work?

I have talked elsewhere about time….how time is often the biggest factor in unschooling. Time for at least one parent to be with the children, to take less demanding career positions, to work part time, so that they can just simply be there for the children. You can’t both work in demanding positions that require long hours. One parent has to have time for the children and may choose a less demanding position or part time work or a home business.  Many single parents testify to the fact that this is possible. It may not make you rich but it is possible. (See Sequencing)

Time for the children to play, to read, to explore, to not always live a hurried and harried lifestyle. (The Hurried Child)

Time for the children to grow and mature at their own pace and in their own way.

But what else do you need to unschool?

MacBeth came up with an interesting post on her unschooling  “must-haves”.

I second the duct (masking) tape!

For me, for us, our must-haves included:

A library card –  where would we be without our public libraries? Games, books, CDs, DVDs, magazines, toys in some libraries, journals. Computers and free internet access. A place to go and hang out. Perusing a shelf has sparked many an interest here.

Attitude – what? Yes, attitude. A parent’s attitude.  A learning attitude, an enthusiastic attitude, an attitude that enjoys life and is curious  and interested, that enjoys children. For the most part. Because none of us are perfect and we all have our days or seasons of sorrow or despair or irritability. I am talking, however, of the big picture, folks!

Parks - time for kids to explore and parents to explore or read or talk. Time to practice masterly inactivity.  And nature study. In all weather conditions.

When I started my unschooling journey, I began on a budget. (What else is new?). I bought a scrapbook for each child ( yes, even the toddler), for their journal or main lesson book or record or portfolio …whatever it is that you like to call it. I bought a scrapbook for me, for a homeschool journal or log (we kept this online for awhile). I bought your basic stationery supplies…textas, some water colours, coloured pencils, glue, sticky tape, plasticene (or made playdough or salt dough) …and yes that masking tape! I saved boxes and wood scraps and material scraps. We cooked. We did chores together. We went to the grocery store together. We talked. We went to libraries and to parks. We wrote. We drew. We made stuff. We listened to music and played music (recorders).We went to free museums and art galleries.We organized get-togethers with other homeschoolers and friends from church or other groups.

My only main purchases were some maths books from a local educational supply store and some unschooling books for me. To educate me.

And now with the internet, you could get these  for free. Or do some printing at your local library. And I don’t even know if I’d bother with the maths books now. But they were there. As a guide.

And I would definitely second and third and fourth the resources and support and unschooling education for the parent.

Minimal must-haves. I think, I guess, because in unschooling, as is often the case in life and in education and in mothering, less is more. 

Meeting people where they are…

I read statements about meeting people where they are.

When it comes to liturgy, to the sacred, please don’t meet me where I am. Engulfed with thoughts about making ends meet, chores, tiredness, to do lists….

Please lift my heart and mind to Our Lord, to the sacred. Please feed my soul with beauty. Please fortify my prayer and worship, with God’s love, so that I can live my life with that love, sharing it with others.

That’s evangelization. Inspire one who can go out and share this inspiration, this love.

Liturgical come-as-you-are, liturgical do-what-you-wish, liturgical it’s-all-about the people (or community) does not lift a soul to God, does not give Him true worship.

It makes it about me.

It makes Christianity and subsequently evangelization, a religion of niceness (as a friend says, Niceness might just be the new, fourth, cardinal virtue).

In which case self-professed atheist Ricky Gervais is right….. if being a Christian is just about niceness, about meeting people where they are, he may be a better Christian than most Christians, as he claims..

But if Christianity is vested in liturgy, in true worship of God, in feeding our souls so that we can help the souls of others to find God, then we may meet people where they are but we then challenge them to an authentic life.

By giving them God’s word, by beauty, by a sense of peace , of another world, a “why” to why we live the life we live, a why to suffering, a means of experiencing deep seated joy.

Attention to the sacred and to beauty in liturgy does this. It is true inclusiveness. It is true worship. It is true evangelization.

Grieving Transitions

“Grief will happen either as an open healing wound or as a closed festering wound, either honestly or dishonestly, either appropriately or inappropriately.” Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

One of my sons was talking to a professor he had at university, now retired. The professor expressed unexpected grief at leaving the university. Retirement was his choice, he is happy in retirement and yet there is grieving for what was.

A friend of mine has made a major change in her life. She is sure she is in God’s will, this was a decision made with prayer and yet she still feels grief over the life that was.

I think that grief is a natural emotion in times of transition, and yes, it can be unexpected . We tend to think that once a decision or change is made, all will well.

All will be well and the decision no doubt is a right decision and yet we still have to experience a grieving for what has changed. To feel both gladness and grief is part of the human condition. And to deny this feeling, deny grief, to bury it and forget, is also to deny the joy we feel in our new life.

For sometimes, grief and joy during transitions go hand in hand.

“And I say this, I do not think the forest would be so bright, nor the water so warm, nor love so sweet, if there were no danger in the lakes.” C.S. Lewis, ” Out of the Silent Planet.”

It helps we mothers to remember this, and to allow ourselves to experience grief as well as happiness in transitions. It helps us to practice self care. Doing this, we set a powerful example to our children.

It helps us, too, to remember this for our children, to allow them time to adjust during transitional times.

A number of times we, as mothers, wonder what is up with our children when they are rude or silent or morose or withdrawn. We are tempted to say ” What’s up? You wanted this change or this change is all for the good.” Or we are tempted to wonder why the child is displaying unacceptable behaviour after a move or a new baby or when mum has been unwell.

The child is experiencing his own form of grief over transitions. We can understand this and model a way of working through this. We can make exceptions. We can give it time.

And give ourselves time, too.

Questions

“When we pray, the voice of the heart must be heard more than that proceeding from the mouth. “- Saint Bonaventure

I seem to have spent my whole life trying to make sense of the balance between heart and mind, soul and intellect.

There doesn’t have to be a dichotomy of course, yet I have tried to seek a balance, to see where the distinction is between the two.

It has been the writing of Saint Bonaventure that has helped me see the importance of heart, of love, whereas my natural tendency has been to rely solely on intellect and reason.

To take the safe route.

Yet in unschooling I chose what may seem to be seen as the unsafe route, a way of educating without school methods, a way of melding life and learning.

And as the youngest Unschooler begins study at university, I ponder what unschooling and St Bonaventure have taught me.

To allow for love, for passions, in our lives. Yes, even in the daily life of lists and chores and work. And most especially in the big picture, of goals and dreams.

In talking with our Unschoolers about life and goals, I have learned that it is the questions that are important. Like Socrates, we can ask questions and leave the thought for pondering.

And in doing so, we can help our Unschoolers use their reason and listen to their hearts.

What is your passion?
What do you love?
If everything else in your life was not a consideration, if you didn’t need to be practical, what would you do? Where would you live? How?
What book or movie makes you sigh with love and longing?
What saint and saint’s writing most appeals to you? Why?
Deep inside, what do you want? And if you don’t know forever, what about now? What is fun? What is intellectually stimulating?
And what does God want? Have you prayed? Have you asked? Have you given this to Our Lady, and asked for her intercession?

The last is a clincher for me.

These are not your typical career counselling questions. But then unschooling is not your typical means of education or, indeed, of life.

And in asking these questions I, too, have sought answers. For me.

That’s how unschooling works, isn’t it?