Dh finds this separation, this saying goodbye, this letting go hard. Much harder than I.
Now, it is not that I don ‘t care. I do. I’m a mum.
But I learned long ago to get over my emotions. To not give in to my emotions. To move on, put the sad or cross or unhappy or melancholy feelings away. To be Pollyanna. ( Pollyanna and Pippi Longstocking were two of my childhood heroines.)
I learned to not think about things. To just move on. To enjoy what I have.
In the book and movie Because of Winn Dixie , an older lady gives advice to Opal, the ten year old girl and main character. Opal is sad. Sad because her mother left many years before. Sad that she has lost her dog.
The advice? You can’t hold onto the things you love. You can only enjoy them while you have them.
So, that is what I do. I enjoy today, this moment. I pray. And I try not to think about sad things, things in the past, worry about the future. About letting go.
I have put away some things from my childhood, from my past. Mentally. I don ‘t go there and re-visit certain things. They happened. I’ve moved on. I won’t bring up past emotions.
This is how I deal with emotions. By not dealing with them. One could say. By putting them away.
A doctor friend once told my dh that I needed to talk about the miscarriages I had experienced. My dh shook his head. He knew me and knew the way I dealt with things.
I tuck away my emotions. This, too, shall pass.
I saw how destructive some dwelling on emotions can be, in my growing up. I learned early on not to show emotions, to not to let yourself be vulnerable as then others used that to hurt you more.
This caused my parent, when I was young, to call me a hard hearted b**ch.
Maybe. But maybe I just deal with things privately. Differently.
So, I stuff those emotions aside. I pray. I go on. I do something that makes me happy.
Or I eat. Arrgh! Working on that…I remember after one miscarriage eating pizza and corn chips and dip and chocolate….Definitely don’t do that any more!
Or I write (now also blog).
Some people think it’s holding on that makes one strong- sometimes it’s letting go. singer and musician Sylvia Robinson