Toxic Mothers

We have been talking about Donna and Dr Who in the comments of the linked post.

Donna’s mother is definitely what I would call a Toxic Mother.

Toxic ~ acting as or having the effect of a poison; poisonous

I definitely had/have a Toxic mother. I love her, I can’t tell her that, she doesn’t talk to me. But in loving and praying for my mum, I casn still see her toxicity. Mommy Dearest ?
Think Donna’s mother magnified many times over.

And sometimes I think I’m repeating that toxicity.Okay, not to similar high toxic degrees, but toxic nevertheless.

Many times, I think the family is okay and I’ve done an okay job. But then things happen and I see how f-ed up we really are.

No Carol and Mike Brady here.

At a women’s group tonight, I mentioned that we women sometimes just have to do what is right and not feel responsible for eveyone else’s happiness.

And yet, I do feel responsible.
And when things happen, less than stellar things, I take it personally.

I know my family carries the weight of my personal baggage ( how I hate that trendy yet so descriptive term!), from me having a Toxic Mother. Just when I think I have got away from it all, the poison reaches out and reminds me that my past is still a part of me. And try as I might to the contraire, I have passed some dysfunctional family crap onto my kids.

Okay, enough with this vague posting. I can’t share the toxicity here but I remind myself of the powerful influences of mothers.

Get your act together, girl!

Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials. ~Meryl Streep

Grown don’t mean nothing to a mother. A child is a child. They get bigger, older, but grown? What’s that suppose to mean? In my heart it don’t mean a thing. ~Toni Morrison, Beloved

The best conversations with mothers always take place in silence, when only the heart speaks. ~Carrie Latet

16 thoughts on “Toxic Mothers”

  1. I hear you–my family is a Super Fund site waiting for official certification as such! We DO feel responsible for our family’s happiness, yet our family is all made up of different personalities all designed by God originally to glorify Him. If only we’d listen to Him the personalities might just be the way He wants them!! Good post, friend!

  2. Oh my….What a post!!!! Thankfully I wasn’t raised by a “toxic” mom (she adopted me). She was pretty great!!! However, I do see many a toxic mamas out there and I feel so sorry for their children, them, their life, and all the joy they are missing out on…. I will pray for you and your mom…..Kelly

  3. Oh poor you. I’ve thought the same thing. Lately I’ve been thinking that what we are giving our kids is so much better than I had. It’s hard to raise kids well when you have no idea how (besides a long list of things NOT to do). Anyway. I’ve been thinking that my kids will probably have a list of things not to do after being raised by us… but hopefully a much shorter one! By the time my grandchildren are raising their own kids I think we should have all the kinks worked out from the effects of one generation of dysfunction. Hopefully!;)

  4. Greg, your post made me feel much better! I laughed and smiled!Lisa, true about trusting and waiting on God, somethin g else for me to remember..Kelly, and beate, thanks for prayers and I will pray for you both…Beate, it is uncaanny how alike we are, many of our blog posts could alsmot have been written by the other…souls sisters for sure…Emily, you make a great pioint about lookin at the good we do, regardless, making change.

  5. Leonie,I think the only voice you need listen to here is that of Greg’s. :)I will say I was feeling pretty irritable this afternoon and snapping at my younger ones as I raced to dancing and soccer and post office and printers. My 6 yr old wanted to tag along with me and I really wanted (needed) some peace and quiet (she’s a talker (;). So when we got to the post office, we’re standing in line and there’s a mother ahead of us with her two little boys. And they were being so baaaddd!!!And I didn’t blame them in the least as their mother was the most “toxic” mother I’ve seen in a long time. Such words she used with her children! And she told them they were bad before they started being bad.I looked down at the quiet, obedient child at my hip and realized that I wasn’t as “toxic” as I had previously thought I was. And my child was (is) a pretty good kid too. :)You’ve done well with your boys. Cut yourself from slack. We all have toxic moments.

  6. Leonie….I can relate to the toxic feel…The tests lately make me look over my shoulder and just double check…’Who was that vile creature that just said/did that?’But…then when the fog of everday motherhood lifts and the sun shines through to let you see clearly all that surrounds you…you get the “beams of Greg’s” shine through and you know that somehow…somewhere…God took the mess and made something good come out it….Doesn’t the Bible say that we kind of ‘sharpen’ each other…When the sparks fly or we have to put our foot down, paddling against the stream…as mom’s we feel soooo bad…but as we honor God…He will honor us and we need to believe…like we were saying today…the God will take care of the details.As a friend…let me say…YOU ARE NOT TOXIC! As a matter of fact your the opposite….what we can do is take the ‘bad’ baggage we carry or the things we may find we don’t like, place it at the cross and be aware that we have to work at not letting it have its way …the kids…most definitely serve as a dose of self awareness and self examination…as least they have for me…and they teach me so much about myself….We…of course…need to press right into God’s guidance for this part of the journey because not only are they precious to us…but..are priceless to HIM!High five to trying to be the best mom’s we possibly can be…considering the circumstances and overcoming the obstacles!!!!

  7. Those toxic moments happen in my life and I have such sorrow and remorse that I have been so mean.This sorrow and remorse is magnified when I think about the negative effect it could have on the children long term. I pray and hope that this toxicity will not affect my precious children. God is so good to let them be in our family. I really do appreciate this and want to honor this by showing them love, patience, self control and gentleness. I pray that God will eradicate this sinful nature and let the good shine through.

  8. Leonie, I know what you mean, because I’ve felt that way too. I didn’t even have a Toxic Mother, but I generate my own toxicity sometimes. I guess it’s a legacy from Eve! Wodehouse, Waugh and margaritas seem like good remedies to me, too ;-).

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